Let me tell you about my friend Gracie. Sometimes we’re not that good of friends and other times we’re thick as thieves. See she’s not always around and sometimes I forget to introduce her to people and for that I am truly sorry. You may know my friend by her formal name, Grace. She appears when forgiveness is in order, but, like I said, sometimes she’s absent.
In todays vernacular grace can mean many different things. It can refer to the way someone moves, or it can mean the period of time when dues are forgiven. It can also be a name, or it can be in reference to the prayer said before a meal. In verb form it means to do honor or credit to someone or something by one’s presence. Or it can be used in the traditional sense of courteous goodwill and attractively polite manner of behaving. With all these different meanings I can’t just talk about one (not my style lol). But I think I’ve managed to narrow it down to two groups: accepting grace and extending grace.
Accepting Grace
First let’s talk about grace in terms of movement. Graceful I am NOT! Oh, I’ve got rhythm and can dance as well as the next person but consistently walk up stairs? put dishes away quietly? wear high heals? Yeah that’s a no. Now I’m not tripping over my own feet (all the time anyway), but like I said grace isn’t a word I’d use to describe my physical abilities. Which leads to another problem – I am constantly embarrassing myself. Most of the time it isn’t so much the physical gracelessness. More often than not it’s me opening my mouth and inserting my foot – which you would think would take considerable skill, but I seem to find it rather easy. I am all the time saying dumb things and find myself thinking later (and often in that very moment!) you should not have said that or there was a better way to say that! These days I catch myself saying the silliest phrases all the time and am constantly saying to myself, “man, you’re annoying!”. I also replay these embarrassing moments over and over in my head, even years later, forcing myself to relive all these cringe worthy moments that others have probably long forgotten by now. But then I think, “you’re being awfully hard on yourself” so I’m learning to accept grace from myself.
As women, I feel like we excel at removing grace from ourselves and especially other women. We feel as if we have to have everything together. Whether it be our house, our children, our physical appearance, our job, or just our lives in general we want everything to be perfect. We have lists upon lists of things to do and people to see after, always making sure we don’t miss anything. But the truth is we’ll never have everything together. We joke in my family about having our ducks in a row and every time we feel like we’ve got them straight again someone or something comes along and knocks them all out of wack again – but such is life I’m learning. Nothing we do will ever be perfect, and that’s ok because we aren’t called to be perfect. We are human. And humans mess up, that’s why grace exists. We need to learn to extend grace and accept it for ourselves.
“And He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
II Corinthians 12:9 NKJV
In accepting grace it is important to remember Who has extended the ultimate grace to you first, Jesus Christ. This grace was extended to us when He died on the cross for our sins. It was not something we deserved and it’s something we could certainly never earn, but something He gave willingly. As I sit here and think about this grace I am stuck again by how much the Father loves and cares for us through His abundant grace and mercy. It’s mind blowing to think about really. Romans chapter 3 says, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God , being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God set forth as a propitiation by His blood, through faith, to demonstrate His righteousness, because in His forbearance God had passed over the sins that were previously committed, to demonstrate at the present time His righteousness, that He might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus.” (v. 23-26) All have fallen short at some point or other but have still been forgiven and had grace extended to them.
I feel like that’s an important aspect of grace that we often skim over, forgiveness. In order to accept grace for ourselves we also need to be able to forgive ourselves. Not only forgive ourselves, but also forget about our mistakes and stop holding them against us. I saw a post on Instagram the other day and it was some art work that said, “extend grace and mercy to yourself. . . God does.” and that really struck me. All these things I’ve been holding against myself and stewing over have already been forgotten. Through repentance my slate is wiped clean and I can start fresh. These things happen not to define who we are, but to make us stronger and better people – they’re not chains holding us back but bits and pieces of the fabric of our lives weaved together to form a masterpiece.
So give yourself a break. Remember, you can do anything but not everything. Look for rest and peace in His Word and learn to extend grace to yourself. Know that you are beautiful, capable, and not defined by your mistakes. My high school English teacher always told us that practice did not make perfect, but permanent. So practice extending grace to yourself and see how things change.
Extending Grace
Part two of grace is learning to extend it to others. This is where Gracie and I hang out the most, in Extensionville, but we still don’t see each other often enough I’m afraid. As many of you may know I currently hang out with my niece rather than go to a traditional “job” everyday. And though there are many things about her that remind me of her mom, right now I am reminded of how well we got along. My niece and I are like two peas in a pod sometimes and the lines are often blurred between best friend and aunt”hood” rolls, but this was also my way with her mother so it seems right. Katelyn and I were the best of friends, but ask my brothers (or any member of my family really) she was like our second mom as well – always looking out for us and making sure we were okay. This behavior wasn’t always welcomed by her stubborn and independent little sister so we clashed every now and then. But as I think back on it (and after we were older we realized it in the moment as well) we got over our spats FAST. I mean we could be yelling at each other one minute and not five minutes later we were talking amicably about something else. We were just like that. Sisters. Best friends. The best grace extenders ever. For a while I thought that was something special to just our type of relationship (and don’t get me wrong it was a pretty special ability we had – especially as we got older) but now hanging out with my littles all the time I’ve realized it’s kind of a little kid thing to do. Small ones get in a spat and you correct it and the next minute you look up to see them playing together again as if nothing has happened. See? They give grace freely and readily. However, as an adult I often withhold grace. Isn’t it weird how the older we get the more we hold on to things? We act like we’re older and therefore wiser and try desperately to be anything but vulnerable. We protect our hearts from anything that would wound or cause pain – often extending that protection to our children as well. We call people childish and mean it as an insult, but in this case we should be more like our children, forgiving often and completely.
“Then Jesus called a little child to Him, set him in the midst of them, and said, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.'”
Matthew 18:2-4 NKJV
If I’m honest there are a lot things I could learn from the children in my life. As I look back on recent years I realize there are many times I withheld grace. I think back to times I saw others forgive and reconcile with someone who hurt them, and I think how they could be so naive – often wondering how long until further damage is done. And I see others receive grace upon grace all the while thinking they should be delivered judgment, after all, doesn’t judgement bring repentance? But such is not the way of God, but of man. Romans says that the goodness (kindness) of God leads you to repentance. Kindness is shown in grace, mercy, and forgiveness. To those who hurt you, kill them with kindness. To those who have lost their way, love them through it. Isn’t it said that you’ll catch more flies with honey than vinegar? By extending grace I may lead others to Christ, and as Christians isn’t that our number one job – to be soul winners?
“And do you think this, O man, you who judge those practicing such things, and doing the same, that you will escape the judgment of God? Or do you despise the riches of His goodness, forbearance, and long-suffering, not knowing that the goodness of God leads you to repentance? But in accordance with your hardness and your impenitent heart you are treasuring up for yourself wrath in the day of wrath and revelation of the righteous judgment of God, who “will render to each one according to his deeds”: eternal life to those who by patient continuance in doing good seek for glory, honor, and immortality; but to those who are self-seeking and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness—indignation and wrath, tribulation and anguish, on every soul of man who does evil, of the Jew first and also of the Greek; but glory, honor, and peace to everyone who works what is good, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. For there is no partiality with God.”
Romans 2:3-11 NKJV
I realize it is much easier to put a microscope to others faults and misdeeds rather than to turn the mirror on our own sometimes, but we need to be able to extend grace to both. I am desperately aware of my need for forgiveness, and of the number of times I fall short every day. And though I may be aware of others needs as well I will not pass judgment. There is only one person who belongs on that judge’s bench, and trust me, it is not a responsibility that you or I want. That task belongs to Jesus Christ alone. Let’s learn to extend and accept grace and hand over the gavel to the One who can handle the weight that comes with it. Stop judging yourself and others. Give grace and have mercy. Be best friends with Gracie.
Life Thereafter 