My First Blog Post (like you couldn’t figure that out)

Be the Light

I’ve thought about creating a blog for years, but never felt like I had my thoughts together well enough to share them with others. And let’s be clear, I don’t have them together any better now than I did then, but I’ve reached the point where I feel like I can’t keep these things to myself any longer. I have no idea if these musings of mine will change anyones mind, reach anyones heart, or even be read by anyone, but I’ll know that they’re out there and hopefully it will take a weight off my shoulders.

To say I’ve been thinking about this for years is an understatement. I LOVE reading. And I mean reading anything – books, articles, posts, and even the occasional textbook (no, I’m not weird you are). I also love to write, though, not as passionately as I love to read. Reading has been a pastime of mine from a young age – a hobby I accredit to my maternal grandmother who read to us when we were little and always encouraged us to continue reading. I love a good story and if I get looped in it is very hard to get me to stop. I even used to read in class and skip meals to spend more time reading in high school. My love of a good story has lead me to find great authors, one of those being Meg Cabot. Her books are some of my most favorites and she has probably shaped my writing voice more than any other thing. If you know anything about Meg, you know she’s the author of The Princess Diaries series, and so you won’t be surprised to find my writing a bit first-person story telling like. That being said, when I type I tend to ramble – so I just spent the last few minutes reading what I’ve already written and, well, I’m already off track – go figure.

I wasn’t sure what I wanted my first post to be about. There are so many things I would like to say that sometimes it is hard narrowing my thoughts down to one specific topic that wouldn’t take me ten days to write about. And I still haven’t figured out what to say in this post – I guess I just thought it would come to me as I was writing, so off I went. As I sit here thinking of what to say next while watching one of my favorite TV shows (replays of course – I’m not missing anything new!) I’m struck by the thought that even if I come up with a topic that is acceptable for public consumption – what if no one reads it, what if no one cares. Then I started thinking, what do I care? Didn’t I just say this is really more to get thoughts off my chest than for other people? So rallying on with that thought I start concentrating harder on what I should talk about (even pausing Castle!), but everything I seem to come up with feels like guarded territory – like the topics are too personal to be shared with anyone (ie NOT fit for public consumption), much less complete strangers. And so we’re back to square one – what to write about? But then I start thinking what if I did share some of the innermost thoughts and problems going on in my life? Would it really be that terrible? And truthfully, the answer is probably yes, but what if someone needs to hear my story to help them with theirs? What if me opening up and sharing changes someone else’s life for the better? Now I’m not saying this blog is about to become a tell all about my life, but I’m not going to be afraid of sharing my experiences with others any longer. And I’m also not saying what I’m going through is the worst ever or that it will even have an effect on anyone – but I figure it can’t hurt to see.

So I think I’ve finally found my topic – four paragraphs in, a little late I know – but I think I’ve condensed it in my head enough so as to not keep you here that much longer (and if you’ve lasted this long you’re a trooper! Thanks!) I chose to write about my purpose/goal in creating this blog. I decided to name this blog Life Thereafter as in life after the unimaginable has happened. I intended to use it as a way to talk to others about continuing on with life after losing my sister. I’ve wanted to write so many things for and about her since that terrible day I just never could find the right words when I had time or the time when I felt like the words would come. And I’m always hesitant to share my written thoughts, forever my own critic and always feeling like I didn’t say everything that needed to be said. So with such a huge topic as this life changing event I shied away from saying anything in fear it wouldn’t be enough. But I’m trying to fight these fears and anxieties now with His help so I fell like this is the perfect time to share my story. I feel like now is my time, my chance. I want to be for others what one of my high school teachers / friends has been for me through sharing her #griefjourney. I want to uplift. I want to inspire. But most of all I want to live. And live life abundantly through His grace striving daily to do His will and share His word. I want to be light.

Hopefully you’ll continue on this journey with me in my effort to shine my light and share my story. Much love to you all.

“You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lamp stand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.”

Matthew 5:14-16